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“A Garda is driving down O’Connell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. He parks the car and runs over to them.
Disclaimer: I left the majority of the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)!
“An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each man’s freshly poured pint.
“It was a cold Friday evening when the doorbell rang is Mrs Molloy’s house. When she answered the door, Pat Glynn, her husband’s manager at the brewery, was stood on the doorstep.
‘Pat. Hello. Where’s my husband? He should have been home from work 3 hours ago?’ The man sighed. ‘I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, Mrs Molloy, but there was an accident over in the brewery. Your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned’.
The Irish just had to seize every opportunity to make a pun, point out an irony, make fun of their love for beer or whiskey – even the dead aren’t spared. And don’t forget those silly Saint Patrick’s Day jokes, either!
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“It’s one for me and one for each of my brothers,” he tells the bartender. “One is in America and the other is in Australia, and we do this to feel like we’re all still drinking together.”
A drunk Irishman is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is swerving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” the cop says to the drunk driver, “where have ya been?”
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