funny jokes about lawyers

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A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.”

The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.

“The bad news is, your blood  is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is 130.”

A defendant isn’t happy with  how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time.Judge: “Where do you work?”Defendant: “Here and there.”Judge: “What do you do for  a living?”Defendant: “This and that.”Judge: “Take him away.”Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”Judge: “Sooner or later.”Submitted by Pate Ferry, Mesa, Arizona

My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?”

The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a darn thing.”

The case was dismissed.Helen Reynolds, Missoula, Montana

While serving jury duty,  I noticed that the defense attorney seemed a bit nervous. At one  point, he picked up a piece of  evidence and asked his client, who was on the witness stand, “I see  an acronym on this receipt. What  would CAR stand for?”
The defendant replied, “Car.”Kristi Boerner, Fleming, Colorado

I have to say that these lawyer jokes are a little acerbic - but I like them!Do have a read, I am sure that you will find plenty of one-liners which match your sense of humour.

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The lawyer said, 'I'm here because my house burned down, and all I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid foreverything and I'm using some of the insurance money for this trip.'

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidenceindicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence'sclosing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

'Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Ihave a surprise for you all, 'the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. 'Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom. 'He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

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