funny jokes about retirement
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My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...couldn't concentrate.After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it...mainly because it was a so-so job.Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!
Sometimes the good old joke gets, well, old. A quick search on the internet using the search phrase "retirement meme" will throw up some hilarious captioned images. For those of you not up with the times, some examples of memes are below to educate you -
If you have to give a retirement speech, having one of these memes behind you would be a hilarious distraction taking the attention off you (if you are nervous about speaking).
Retirement Gifs:These animated images, called gifs, are not recommended to play behind
you while you give a speech (it would give everyone a conniption), these
are just for your own enjoyment :) Again, an internet search will
throw up many animated images for your persual, with examples such as below -
His parents seemed pleased with the response and told him how proud they were of him for taking the next step in his life. Equally happy with how the chat went, John walked away and thought to himself: “The first thing tomorrow, I’m going to start looking for a nursing home for them”.
A man and his wife, both recently retired, went into town to buy some milk and bread. They were only in the store for about five minutes, but when they came out, they noticed a police officer writing a parking ticket, clearly about to place it on their car.
“Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?” the man exclaimed. The police officer ignored him and continued writing the ticket, before sticking it firmly to the windshield. “You’re a dumbass,” the man shouted at the police officer.
The police officer finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then, he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more the couple abused the cop, the more tickets he wrote.
A man was questioned about what he did with his time after bidding farewell to full-time employment. “What do you do now that you are retired?” a friend asked him.
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