funny jokes for school captain speeches

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When you're running for student council, you ultimately need the popular vote from your peers to win. Since your campaign speech is geared toward other teens, not teachers or parents, you can get a lot more creative and open with a seriously funny intro.

The other candidates are going to come up here and tell you all the reasons why you should vote for them. I'm going to give you only one reason why you should vote for me. As President Donald Trump said, "People would vote for me. Why? Maybe because I'm so good looking." That's right, you should choose me for Student Council President because I've got the face of an angel. Think about it, every time I ask for your concerns, give a speech or land an interview in the school paper you're going to have to look at my face. If you want to make this year and school politics more enjoyable, consider who's face you want to stare at every day, mine or theirs.

I want to become your Vice President so you can all start calling me Veep. It's that simple, people. When I walk down the hallways at school, I want to feel like I'm in one of those YouTube videos for kids where a grown man drives tiny toy trucks around. Veep! Veep! When I'm waiting in line for lunch or the toilet, Veep Veep! When I raise my hand in class or stand before you to give a speech, Veep Veep! So, please give me a moment of your time and if you plan to vote for me after this speech, let's turn this audience into a crowded highway that feels like Friday at 5:00! Veep! Veep!

Your Student Council Secretary really needs to love words. I love words so much, I'll only eat Alpha-Bits for breakfast. And what's more, I'll only eat the cereal letters I can use to make a word. So, say there's a "T," "Q," and "R" left in the bowl, I can't bring myself to swallow them. I love pencils so much, I fail every automatically graded exam because I can't bring myself to damage the pencil by using it. I love writing so much, I've got the wrist of a 92-year-old secretary and I'm only 16!

Here's my running for treasurer speech. If time is money, we're all going to be very rich after this speech. I'm not sure who is responsible for the exchange rate, but I hope it's a good one. As Treasurer, I take money lingo very seriously, so I've crafted my speech to optimize the amount of time we turn into money for our class.

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