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I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy my girlfriend as a present.
I couldn't decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, "If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, which one would you get?
He said, "A bulletproof one. I'm married."
I said, "I love you so much. I could never live without you."
My girlfriend giggled and asked, "Is that you talking or the beer?"
I said, "It's me talking to the beer..."
This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: "Wife wanted."
He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Man: "Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack. I don't have a mansion like Russell. I don't have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you."
Woman: "Oh, dear, I love you too! What was that you said about Martin?"
I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”Bonnie McFarlane, from You’re Better Than Me
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